“You
know the law as well as I do, you didn’t drive 75 miles to pose what if
questions about it”
I tell Harm, still not over the shock of seeing him at my door a few
minutes ago.
The shock however is slowly turning into worry.
There is something different about my flyboy.
MY flyboy????
Okay, that is new.
He seems so off-balance, something very unusual for him.
My mind was lost in its wonderings when his next words send me for
another loop.
“….and
to see you in your pajamas.”
It
was something I would have expected to hear from Harm a few years back, but
given everything that has happened…. But what really tears me up is the look
that accompanied that remark.
The hesitant look that said he was unsure of how I was going to take his
words, like I might kick his ass or tell him to get lost.
It really hurts.
I flash him a quick smile the most I could muster and it seems to put him
a bit at ease.
I don’t like to see him in pain despite how many times I may have
directly or indirectly hurt him.
I didn’t wish him luck before he went for his quals and will never
forget the hurt and confusion on his face as those elevator doors closed on my
angry words and then he crashed.
Rationally I know my lack of good wishes for him that day had nothing to
do with his crash, but the guilt and anguish I felt over the hours he was
missing because the last words I said to him were in anger is not something I
have been completely able to get over and forget.
I
watch him get up and head towards my window, walking like he has the entire
weight of the world on his shoulders.
I know he has a lot on his mind.
It looks like a close friend of his has been or at least was considering
selling military secrets to a civilian corporation.
An act of disloyalty and dishonor that I know Harm really can’t
comprehend, much harder for him to understand that someone he considered a
buddy, a fellow pilot would do such a thing.
There are other things bothering him too, and I know my running off to
the Guadalcanal and then the way I treated him when he came out there on an
investigation add to his burden.
I watch as his shoulders square and his back tightens.
“Harm….?”
I trail off, going to ask him how is, but I already know and don’t know
what to say to make it easier for him.
“I’m
fine”
At
the defeated tone in his voice I know well he is not fine, but he would never
say otherwise.
I reach out to him and rub my hand across the broad width of his
shoulders feeling an overwhelming tension radiating from his muscles.
He
doesn’t pull away from me, for moment I though he might.
We were getting to good at walking away from each other and I have had
enough of it.
He simply dropped his head and a slight quiver runs through him.
For a split second I thought I imagined it, but I didn’t and I still
can’t come up with the words to ease him.
I don’t think there are words, but I knew what I could do.
“Come
here Sailor” I say as I gently nudge him toward me and then wrap my arms
loosely around his chest.
His arms tighten around me and he pulls me so that our bodies are flush
against each other.
God, this feels so good but….
“Harm….”
Am I really going to fight this?
How long have I waited to be the woman he holds close to him, the woman
that gets to comfort him.
“Not
yet Sarah” I hear him whisper, but his next words undo me completely
“Please Sarah, …. Only with you….I need this.”
And at that moment I know if he wanted to stand here for the next ten
years I wouldn’t move from this spot, from his arms, not even on a direct
order from the Admiral.
His
face is hiding in the crook of my neck and the shaking I saw in his shoulders
earlier is more noticeable and I feel his tears flowing against my skin.
He is mumbling something that I barely make out as some sort of apology
as he cries harder against me.
“Shhhhh,
its okay.
I got you Harm” I whisper as I resume rubbing his back.
